Da Guernsey Rules

Homage to Velominati

As a shameless ripoff of the timeless classic that is Da Rules of Cycling, I thought we should create a Guernsey specific version.  Obviously Rule #1 has to remain as // Obey the rules, and Rule #5 isn’t open to any kind of negotiation.  Therefore I propose that this voyage of discovery begins with at 6.  Guernsey rules:

  • Rule #6 // If you’re riding along the main road in either direction past the turning to Petit Bot, you must ride Petit Bot (also see rule 11 & 12).
  • Rule #7 // If you’ve ridden home blindingly drunk one night, fallen off and broken your collarbone – you must arrange a visit to A&E in a timely manner and not attempt to sleep it off.  It won’t be OK in the morning.
  • Rule #8 // although rule #5 should always apply it is accepted that mudguards may be installed for the benefit of others in the group. (they were lovely this morning!)
  • Rule #9 // Any arranged meeting times are start times of the ride, arriving early to determine the direction of travel and condition (self inflicted or otherwise) of the group is favourable.
  • Rule #10 // Leree should no  longer classed as a hill, but merely as a slope.
  • Rule #11 // Petit Bot is a bi -hill and winter hillwork must include travelling both directions applying Petit Bot east rule #12
  • Rule #12 //#When riding up Petit Bot East it is a requirement to hang a right up La Rue De La Falaise (note: should be known simply as Jon’s Turn or Bas*#*rd! )
  • Rule #13 // Falling on one’s Assos will rightly result in merciless and prolonged p**s taking
  • Rule #14 // Saturday morning rides must either be preceded by or followed by a bacon and egg sarnie and coffee and not by a swim or a run
  • Rule #15 // It is acceptable to wear lycra in the White Rock Cafe
  • Rule #16 // Strava, man up and use it
  • Rule #17 // Detached collar bones and broken toes do not lead to time off the bike
  • Rule #18 // When chasing the pink mouse, allow no more than 5 minutes over 40 miles, otherwise you’ll never catch her.
  • Rule #19* // A bike ride is more than 20 miles. period.  Anything less is a pootle* (Some pootles can easily exceed 20 miles)
  • Rule #19a* // Actually we’ve all come to realise than any bike ride which doesn’t include Jon is actually a pootle…

Any more?


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